She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
