Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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