I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
