Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
