I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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