i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
