he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
