Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
