the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
