I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
