watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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