No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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