Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
