my mouth tastes like poor choices
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have peed in a lot of sinks
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
