I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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