Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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