maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
