i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
