State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
