Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
