It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
