I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Boobs are out for the taking
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
