Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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