VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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