Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would fuck him just for his dog
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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