operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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