I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
