There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
