no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
