Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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