Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
