im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
