I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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