listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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