She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
