the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
