Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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