she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize