he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
