This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
