just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
