let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
