OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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