Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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