Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
