Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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