My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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