btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize