The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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