i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
