This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
