just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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