I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
