K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
