p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
