Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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