I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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