tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize