a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
