he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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