someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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