nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
