At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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