I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
