I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
