I cannot find my penis.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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